Astonishing thing: Sebastian is 6’2″ and still growing. Oh, he has the DNA for it, it’s just mind-boggling to look UP at my baby. He rested his chin on top of my head last night. (Okay, I had to scrunch down a little for him to do it but still!)
Bewildering thing: People who are grieved by a parent’s death. At holidays especially I see posts saying how much someone misses her mom or wishes her dad was still here and I am genuinely stumped. I have at times wanted a mom but certainly I do not miss MY mom. The only thing I felt about her death was relief. The idea that my holiday might be dimmer or emptier because she or my father the complete stranger aren’t there is weird and vaguely upsetting.
Cute thing: Otters. Otters are always cute. They could be in a knife fight to the death and would still be adorable to watch.
Delicious thing: My bed. It’s like lying on a cloud.
Energizing thing: Gay dance club music from the 90s. THUD! THUD! THUD! beep beep THUD!
Frightening thing: What’s happened to our country. A bloodless coup. We now live in a dictatorship. Not Trump, he’s just the sideshow meant to distract and dismay. Even Bannon and his pet Nazis weren’t the true menace, it’s the .01%. They’ve taken over. Our government is owned, our rights forfeit, and the world is theirs to plunder and rearrange and destroy as they will. I say this without hyperbole. It’s over. Not just the US, we’re just the latest and loudest.
Google thing: I’m slowly being forced to give up IE because nothing on the internet accepts it anymore. So I’m fumbling my way through Chrome. As discussed previously computer stuff isn’t intuitive for me. Almost the opposite, in fact, so what seems logical to me never works AT ALL. Sigh…
Helpful thing: If a recipe calls for buttermilk and you have none soured regular milk works just as well. Measure amount needed for recipe, add a teaspoon of white vinegar and leave on the counter for about 1/2 hour. Voila! Faux buttermilk.
Impossible thing: “It’s impossible…to shove an elephant up your nose…it’s just impossible…”, gleefully sung on the playground to the tune of ‘It’s Impossible’ by master crooner Perry Como.
Jinxed thing: My trip to England. I am treating it as such and will until I land at Gatwick and clear customs. Then even if I am struck and killed by a runaway luggage trolley I will die happy knowing I actually made it. As of now my purse keeps getting slimmer, my health lousier, even where I live is up for grabs again. My superstitious dread is at such a pitch that last night when I bought a packable trench coat online I crossed myself, forked the sign to ward off the maloik, and looped a candy necklace around the statue of santeria orisha- Elegua who shares an altar with the Virgin Mary here in my office. Not giving Elegua candy is worse than drinking Jobu’s rum, y’all.
King thing: It was bound to happen, I lost track of a Stephen King book. A short story collection to be precise. Haunted (heh) by one story in particular I went through the short story collections over and over and could NOT find the story I wanted! Maddening! I hadn’t imagined it. A couple other stories were missing too. But that one! The one about the guy in the motel room and the notebook of graffiti, oy, I needed that one. Finally an excavation mission on the office loveseat to dig up some clean socks (don’t ask, I live in creative chaos) the renegade short story collection floated to the top of the bumpf. AHA! ‘Everything’s Eventual’, how did I forget that one? And the story I sought is ‘All That You Love Will Be Carried Away’. Despite the lingering unease of the story’s The Lady or The Tiger ending I was blissfully relieved to have found it. Very few things irk me more than not being able to put hands on a book I MUST have and know I own.
Learning thing: Is it just me or do people seem dumber than they used to be? I can’t decide if stupidity is being actively cultivated or people were always this stupid and it’s just that the internet has allowed them to gather in large numbers. I do know some people are quite proud of being ignorant and that seems new. Discuss in the comments.
Muslim thing: I have been hocking management to increase the amount of halal products in the store. We do have chicken and sometimes lamb and a few frozen things, but the selection isn’t great. Right now the closest source of a good variety of halal meat is way over by the river and halfway up to Kingston. Inconvenient if you live around here and judging from the influx of Hijabi shopping at our place, they do. I am trying to be patient while management mumbles about ‘not enough market’ and other mealy-mouthed shit. I also know Shoprite is no bastion of inclusion, heck 15 years ago I couldn’t even buy tortillas at my Shoprite, I had to go to Middletown for them. But markets and demographics change. Right now I make sure to greet the Muslim women and tell them about our (paltry) halal section. Why? Because you know you’re part of the community when you can find your shit at the local grocery store. And besides if I have to be polite and helpful to the assholes in the MAGA hats I sure as hell can do that (and more) for the chicks in the headscarves.
Netflix thing: I caved and started watching ‘Atypical’. Curiosity overcame my antipathy for TV shows and movies that are basically ‘Aspies Say The Darnedest Things’. I’ve seen two episodes so far and I’ve cried both times. Recognition, you guys. Jennifer Jason Leigh’s character is ME. Not entirely but enough to make the tears gush. Dead envious of her support group too. ‘Atypical’ is a far better representation of my parenting experience than ‘Parenthood’ was.
Opiate thing: No worries about me becoming a Lorcet/Vicodin junkie. The stuff just makes me muzzy-headed. However this round of antibiotics is helping. My kidney feels much less angry and I can move some without too much pain. YAY!
Pizza thing: No stunning insights or cool anecdotes, I just really, really like pizza.
Quarterback thing: Colin Kaepernick is getting shafted. Those who call him a traitor are morons. What is more American than protest? Standing up (or taking a knee) against injustice? And the cowardly NFL will not give him a job. GAH!
Rhyming thing: Can anyone adequately explain why Nickelback is so scorned? Yes, their songs rhyme, so do a lot of others. Their tunes are easy to sing? Ooo, big crime there. They are about regular life and memories and hopes for a better world? Am I the only one who’s listened to Green Day, U2, and the Kinks? So, yeah, I truly want to know why everyone hates Nickelback.
Sparkly thing: I am having a passionate love affair with ILNP nail polish.
At $10 it’s at the high end of what I’ll spend for polish. It’s worth it. Wears really well. Easy to apply and remove. And so, so, so sparkly!
Togetherness thing: Mick was hosed out of working summer school and has been home fulltime since June. Yup, alllll day, everrrry day for the ENTIRE summer. And dig this, we’ve only had one fight. This is a record. Mick’s parents set a horrible example- they did EVERYTHING together! They never took vacations and didn’t ‘believe’ in babysitters thus Mick and his sister were forced into constant parental presence. Their whole life was a group endeavor. FIL retired early and spent the next 40 years trailing around after MIL. If she went to the garden he came too. A trip to the kitchen for a snack? FIL was hard on her heels. He even went to the beauty salon with her. And that is some serious encroachment on a sacred thing, no woman should have to deal with keeping her husband entertained while she gets her hair done. So my darling Irishman had some screwy ideas of what our life was supposed to be like when we first got together. We’ve duked it out for the past decade and have settled into a decent compromise on ‘me’ time and ‘we’ time. Only one fight this summer. I’m rather proud of us.
Unusual thing: The eclipse. A pretty ‘meh’ experience here in NY. I kept track on my computer then when it was time I went outside with a sheet of paper with a small hole in it. Held the paper out, looked at the tiny crescent on the slate sidewalk, shrugged, realized my bare feet were broiling on the hot slate, and came back in to brood in my chair and look at everybody else’s eclipse pics on FB.
Vexing thing: Having gotten myself into this I’m struggling now to finish it. Plus you’d think I’d have more to say since it’s been so long since I updated.
Walking thing: I have a step counter, it’s as basic as a sundial. I wear it attached to my work sneakers. Average distance covered during a 4 hour shift is 2.5 miles. Just about 6,000 steps. Of course I don’t walk at speed nor is it continuous, but it’s something.
X-tian thing: Funny, but the co-worker I share the most personality quirks and day-to-day attitude with is a hardcore Christian. J is kind and goofy and she and I dance at the least provocation. One time a bunch of us clocked in together and were heading as a group down to the department, I laughed and wondered aloud if we were the Sharks or the Jets. BOOM! J and I started snapping our fingers and busting out the Jerome Robbins moves. It’s not just pop culture stuff, she and I truly see so much from the same perspective, and it’s difficult for me to reconcile that my friend is one of ‘them’. She doesn’t proselytize but also isn’t hesitant to state her belief in God’s divine hand. Until J my experience with Christians both personally and in the larger sphere has been overwhelmingly negative. And yet my work friend isn’t ugly or cruel or hateful, all things I associate with ‘Christian’. I try to hold my friendship with J in front of me when I am tempted to ‘other’. I imagine she does too. Oooo, scary, liberal atheist out to get the God-fearing, Fox news watching, gun toting real Americans! Nope, it’s just LA who never hesitates to smile, give a compliment, or hold a 30 second dance party in aisle 14.
Yummy thing: Cauliflower rice. Mick’s diabetes has forced a radical change in our menus. Carbs being the biggest no-no, which effectively junked around 80% of my easy dinner dishes. Pasta? Gone. Beef stroganoff, goulash, all the other budget-friendly meat-stretching recipes served over egg noodles? Gone. Monte Christos, quesadillas, panini? Gone. Basically we’re living on salmon, chicken breasts, and steaks served with steamed veg. Mick is grateful and his health is tip-top, which is the most important thing, but I’m bored out of my skull and struggling to find things to add to the dinners for variety and to hopefully whittle down the expense of these protein bacchanalias. Enter cauliflower rice. Next up is cauliflower ‘mashed potatoes’. Whoo.
And those, my friends, are all the things from A-Z, ~LA